It was just another regular evening for Aarti. Relaxing on the swing on her terrace, sipping coffee and thinking about her day was her daily routine. Today was no special. She adjusted her saree, managed to balance the cup on the swing, sat on the swing, held back the cup and started moving back and forth, back and forth!
Fond of old songs, Aarti never hesitated to listen to songs of her choice at full volume every evening. The first few were the same ones but as and when she kept listening, older songs kept getting recalled and listened to. That’s how the ‘suggestions’ section of the music app became her DJ. That one hour of relaxation and all the thoughts were a dear possession to Aarti. It was hers and only hers. She could spend it without thinking about what someone else wants. It was like she had patented that hour of every day of her life to herself.
How she wished she could patent the rest of her life for herself too. The picture that I just painted of Aarti is only for that hour. Rest of the day, trapped in twin webs of responsibility and selflessness, she would just do the jobs that made others happy. Again, selflessness is a happy word, I feel helplessness would be a better one to describe her state.
How tired she was, fulfilling her never-ending urge to make people happy, not even realizing that all of them were not worth her time. There were some people who valued her actions but some of them didn’t. Strange it is that people don’t want to equalize emotions with reciprocation because that is selfish, but not paying attention or not respecting someone’s love for you is not at all selfish. Because yes, it’s the person who loses herself in these selfless actions is at fault. “No one told her to be so caring “; “I never said I need extra attention or you put extra efforts for me” ; “Who asked you to expect so much?”
Again, there she was, on the swing, sipping coffee but the songs weren’t playing today. Today, she decided to attribute her thoughts to people who valued her. To people who reciprocated. To people who didn’t make her feel worthless. Because those were the people she needed to treasure. Those were the people who understood her. Those were her ‘happy thoughts’!